Hi there, my name’s Alessandro. I’m a 21-year-old filmmaker, screenwriter, cinephile, student, and I guess I’m forced to call myself a content creator too.
It’s hard to say why I have this strong need to express myself and create, but I’m done fighting it.
I’ve had a long mental health battle trying to grapple with who I was and who I thought I had to be.
In the end, I realized the importance and the strength of owning who you are, and yes, loving yourself (ew cringey I know).
I really have done the turn of the creative block. So much so in fact that I sometimes question the purity of my trajectory.
Like…Scorsese pretty much knew he wanted to make movies since he was a kid. Me? I was drawing for the first 8 years, playing piano, and then decided to be a writer and a poet. And yeah, it didn’t stop there.
As time went on I kind of felt like the Tasmanian devil. Trying to do it all, conquer all, master all. I was rushing everywhere never feeling like I was enough.
Once I experienced rock bottom—burnout, depression, heartbreak…one big sorrow cocktail (the sorrow sour? what do you think? does the name have legs?)—I came across this quote from my hero, Bob Dylan:
"Boy, I hurried... I hurried for a long time. I'm sorry I did. All the time you're hurrying, you're not really as aware as you should be. You're trying to make things happen instead of just letting it happen. You follow me?"
Yeah Bob, I follow you. After so much trial and error, I finally follow you.
Figured I’d give you guys the timeline of my past endeavours so you could really understand just how lost I was and maybe learn from my mistakes. So yeah, here goes…
*deep inhale*
My Past Creative Endeavours:
Novelist/Poet:
Coming out of high school, I had a couple of short stories under my belt that I had written for english class. They got me some pretty good grades, and english was the class I had performed strongest in.
I also really enjoyed creative writing, so I thought, “Okay, this is it. I’m gonna be a writer—I’ll write novels—no matter how hard it’ll be this is it for me because what else is there?”
I went into English Literature in pre-university school (I’m from Montreal. Quebec’s school system is weird), and met a bunch of literary nerds and I really tried to dive into that world.
I just never really felt like I fit in. But I still wrote tones of poetry and some short stories too. Along the way I learned the ins and outs of storytelling, character development, narrative analysis, etc.
Owner of a Discord Server (lol wtf):
I don’t know what compelled me honestly.
It was short-lived. It was Fight Club themed…don’t ask. But if you could guess the name of the server just off of this information you get a high five :D
Even if I am embarrassed by it, I still got some cool experience:
I organized events.
Ran some giveaways.
Launched some competitions.
Did some Instagram marketing.
Graphic Design using Canva and ProCreate.
Copywriting.
My Short Film:
When I admitted to myself that I was way more of a cinema/pop-culture nerd than I ever was a literature nerd, I dropped out of my first year of university to try and apply to film school.
This is when I found my creative home…filmmaking.
Man did I have fun. Due to the last-minute nature of my choice to suddenly switch careers, I did everything myself…and I mean everything.
I wrote, directed, acted, filmed, and edited for this thing. I was lucky to get my best friend to act in it with me and hold the camera for some of my scenes. But I had a lot of fun.
When I finished and submitted it as my application, I was so incredibly proud of how it turned out. I couldn’t believe what I had accomplished with such little time and resource.
Because of that immense pride and the amount of fun I had, I knew that no matter the outcome I would stick to this.
So yeah, you probably guessed it, I didn’t get into film school. But I didn’t give up. I walked away from the experience with some pretty valuable skills:
I learned how to edit on Adobe Premiere Pro.
I wrote a whole screenplay with a standard screenwriting format.
And practiced some pretty okay cinematography for a beginner (at least I think so).
Finding my true creative calling still didn’t stop me from trying something that came way out of left field though…
Mixologist:
I was in the restaurant business, and still am (but desperately trying to get out), and thought, “Being a busboy sucks. If I learned how to make drinks I could make some serious tip money and actually support myself while I’m a starving artist.”
So, I went to bartending school. It was a one month intensive course that taught me the basics of making cocktails and holding my own behind a bar.
I ended up getting a job at a pretty well established cocktail bar in my city.
They took me on as a bartender at first. But as time went on, they realized that my level of experience wasn’t on par with what they needed. So they stuck me as a waiter and I kind of just accepted it.
Sure, I learned how to make cocktails, but what did I get from this, really?
Social skills.
Improved french speaking.
Improved customer service skills.
And that’s about all the silver lining that I can take from that experience.
Found Substack:
Around that time is when I found this platform for the first time. I launched a newsletter centred around filmmaking and bartending (what a mess).
I thought, “Yeah, yeah, this is great I can be candid about my creativity create a little community around my work and build my network over time.” But bartending AND filmmaking? In one place? I had no idea what I was doing.
It’s a perfect example of how I was “hurrying.” Trying to accomplish multiple things at one time without any clear direction.
I didn’t really put much thought into the projects I started, nor did I do much research. I was acting more on impulse than I was on rationale. But hey, gotta give myself a break, which is what I did in fact, but more because I had to and not because I wanted to.
It was the slap in the face that I needed.
The Breakdown:
I had a massive identity crisis that was triggered by a major loss in my life. It forced me to take a long look in the mirror. I had to completely rethink everything I was doing: who I thought I wanted to be, my motivations, insecurities…You name it, and I’ve (over)analyzed and questioned it.
There was a point where I thought being an artist and a filmmaker was just not for me. I was strongly considering just not pursuing film. So, I decided to re-apply to my university under a new major.
I figured I would graduate with my degree in cultural studies, communications, and philosophy, and get a stable and reliable job that would require no risk.
My new major doesn’t stray too far from the study of film. I’m just not actually learning film production. It’s more like film theory and multimedia.
As my semester progressed, I couldn’t help but fall back in love with the art form again. My life had kind of begun to feel devoid of any meaning or excitement before then.
Finding that passion again really made it sink in: I am a filmmaker.
Takeaways:
When you completely renounce everything your ego has learned to depend on like that you often come out the other side as a new person.
I still have the same interests, but my priorities have been set straight. I found new confidence in myself and in my value as a human being. I know my worth, and if you think anyone’s gonna take advantage and try to put me down, you are very wrong.
When you’re as curious and as passionate as I am, it’s real easy to spread yourself thin and lose focus on what’s really important. The key is to not strive for perfection, ‘cause as you’ve heard a million times before, there’s no such thing.
More importantly though, we have to accept who we are as people. It’s really liberating once you accept all of your flaws and past mistakes, because everyone’s got those. That’s what pushed me to find this newfound confidence and mojo…
I just don’t give a fuck.
And you shouldn’t either.
On the Horizon:
Truth is, I have no idea where I’m going, but I like it that way.
This quote by Stephen Fry sums up my mentality perfectly. Leading “the artistic life” is what I want to do.
I love filmmaking and I’ve chosen it as my primary medium of expression. But my passion knows no bounds, and I will expand my knowledge and feed my curiosity at every given opportunity.
All I can tell you guys for sure, is that this newsletter is going to be where I’ll document and share my artistic journey.
My goal?
To help you be a better artist.
I want to document my mistakes, struggles, challenges, and my progress. As I do that, I’m going to be sharing how I streamline and simplify my creative process.
Originally my plan was to make this a newsletter about how I use A.I. to assist me in my creative work. But I realized how that sectioned me off to a very niche and frankly annoying audience.
I love artists. I love creators and filmmakers. It’s you guys that I want to help and provide value to.
I’ll use A.I. to assist my work for sure, because I do think it’s the future, whether we like it or not. But I also want to share how I cope with the everyday struggles of living the artistic life.
You can expect content that features how I stay motivated to continue practicing my chosen expression. Also on how I brainstorm, write, produce, and take care of myself through it all.
I’m really excited to get started. I hope to learn just as much from you guys as I hope you can learn from me.
Cheers!
Was it called “Write Club”? 😃